Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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