Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
