i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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