apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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