I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
