after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
