I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
