I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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