i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think a kid would responsible me up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
