my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
