I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
