I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
