my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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