So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
