Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
