chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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