Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
