Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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