Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
this is an emotional support booty call
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
