what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
