i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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