this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
