She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
