Me too!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
