it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
