What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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