I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
