he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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