Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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