just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
