I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
