Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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