He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
