This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
