So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
