Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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