Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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