your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
