Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
