What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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