can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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