Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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