walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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