Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
