You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
