He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
