I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
