you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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