one two three fourrrrnication!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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