i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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