the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
