shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
