She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
