I just made out with a guy for $7.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
