Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
