just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
