I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
