why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
