Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
