I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
