At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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