Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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