y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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