Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
