i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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