I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
