Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I lost the right to judge tonight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How naked do you want me to be?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
