Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
