Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
