Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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