When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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