i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
