SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
