My room smells like vodka and shame
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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