see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Randomize
