Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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