he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
