Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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